Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
