I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
