Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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