Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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