If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
