i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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