can u get pink eye on your cock?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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