Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
