I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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