The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
