i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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