Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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