FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
