just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
