If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
