Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
