yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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