Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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