I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
