How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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