just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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