She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
