Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize