When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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