im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
