So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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