I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
