we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
