i permit you to call me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
