Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
