Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
