if i can run in heels then i can drive
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
