Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
