if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
