What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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