70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
