She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
