When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
