Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
