If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
