my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
