The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
