Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
