You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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