I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
