I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize