ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
