his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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