he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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