He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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