You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
