vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
