I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
