I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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