see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize