My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
