thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize