theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize