did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
