I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
