well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
