I need to stop coming to work sober
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
