Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
