it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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