If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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