I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
