Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
