I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
