so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize