he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
