I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
