you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize