Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
