the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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