Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
