Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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