thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
