Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
