So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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